Straight through the Heartland of America!

Straight through the Heartland of America!

Practicing the Libertarian principle of letting the guitar player wear whatever color headband he wants.

Practicing the Libertarian principle of letting the guitar player wear whatever color headband he wants.

BREAKING NEWS: In preparation for his inevitable landslide victory, Ronnie Paul Dio has already begun to assemble his cabinet. Guitar legend and elder statesman of metal, Anthony Iommi, will serve as Secretary of Sate, a move that has Dio surging in the polls. Some advisers, however, have voiced concern over Dio’s choice for Secretary of the Treasury, Terrance “Geezer” Butler, fearing he will raise interest rates when no one is looking, as he once allegedly did with his own bass tracks during the mixing of Born Again, alienating former Black Sabbath vocalist Ian Gillen. Dio has shown no sign of backing down. Dio’s cousin Vinny (far left) will serve as Secretary of the Interior. His top priorities will be ending ethanol subsidies and ensuring that our right to sell, buy and consume raw milk is protected. He’s also a total boss on the skins! Update: Edited for factual errors.

BREAKING NEWS: In preparation for his inevitable landslide victory, Ronnie Paul Dio has already begun to assemble his cabinet. Guitar legend and elder statesman of metal, Anthony Iommi, will serve as Secretary of Sate, a move that has Dio surging in the polls.

Some advisers, however, have voiced concern over Dio’s choice for Secretary of the Treasury, Terrance “Geezer” Butler, fearing he will raise interest rates when no one is looking, as he once allegedly did with his own bass tracks during the mixing of Born Again, alienating former Black Sabbath vocalist Ian Gillen. Dio has shown no sign of backing down.

Dio’s cousin Vinny (far left) will serve as Secretary of the Interior. His top priorities will be ending ethanol subsidies and ensuring that our right to sell, buy and consume raw milk is protected. He’s also a total boss on the skins!

Update: Edited for factual errors.

We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfectUnion, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquili….LOOK OUT!!!

We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect
Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquili….LOOK OUT!!!

Who made Rolling Stone God, that they get to pick the 100 greatest guitarists of all time? Ronnie Paul Dio thinks it should be up to the states to decide.

Who made Rolling Stone God, that they get to pick the 100 greatest guitarists of all time? Ronnie Paul Dio thinks it should be up to the states to decide.

Deficit spending got you in chains? Only Ronnie Paul Dio has the strength to break them and set the tigers free!

Deficit spending got you in chains? Only Ronnie Paul Dio has the strength to break them and set the tigers free!

This is what small government looks like.

This is what small government looks like.